Want to avoid Monster In-Laws? Read on... for the secret.

Yep that isn't a typo. Monster In-Law's and having to deal with them are going to be a hot topic no doubt this December, as our Christmas countdown begins.

I wish I had coined the term Monster In-law but I heard it while watching America's Dr Phil television show :

Dr Phil's Most Outrageous Monster In-Law Returns.

While this show demonstrates one woman's blatant disregard for her own daughter's life choices and is an extreme version of how things can get out of hand. It also offers us a time to reflect on our relationships with our nearest and dearest.

Sure you married your partner and not their family, I get that. Trouble is that your loved one is usually part of a package deal that includes some family element.

Ideally you want to have a view of your in-laws similar comedian ( and he is not joking here)  Ben Elton described in an interview with Dino Scatena in this weekends Sunday Life magazine. Ben describes "Kate, the most wonderful mother-in-law imaginable, and Bob - my parents in-law...we even moved to Perth...allowing our children to have them in their lives." (Abridged). He goes on to say how lucky he is with his wonderful wife Sophie, "I married into this amazing family, too. It's been a blessing in my life, and one that's spread to my own family."

Now that's the attitude Ben. I'll bet they are going to sit around a table filled with love and food this Christmas day, making happy memories the best presents for all. And get this ladies - Ben will be doing all the cooking - full roast turkey, while his wife does the washing.

This is the stuff of solid foundations that keep a partnership strong. Indeed M Gary Neuman in his terrific book Emotional Infidelity - how to affair proof your marriage and 10 other great secrets to a great relationship. says  "Secret No.11 to a great marriage is : Focus energy on creating a healthy relationship with your spouse's parents".

Yep that's right you will have to do some work - bring back politeness and respect, treat your in-laws with the love and dignity you offer to yourself and your partner. 

After all your wife or husband is a result of that union, so they have created some good things in your life too! Find something to like and build on that, connect with your mother in-law or father in-law as a fellow person and offer them your integrity and friendship. Let go of past hurts and defensiveness in order to build a the relationship you want your children to see as up and coming adults.

Work at it and your will find yourself being rewarded is so many ways.

Best Wishes Philipa

Affair Help needed?