Betrayal in a marriage produces PTSD like symptoms

In my office I have seen the shock betrayal and harm done in relationships and marriages impacted by infidelity. 

It can lead to obsessive thoughts, flashbacks, sleeplessness, anxiety and depression for both parties.  

That's why I use the latest and greatest  trauma therapies I have encountered and been trained in. Namely Ego state Therapy, EMDR, radical exposure therapy and emotional freedom technique. 

Read an article on affairs and trauma. 

http://www.australiacounselling.com.au/mental-health-articles/featured-counsellors/philipa-thornton/

Norway Minister leads the way !

The Norwegian Minister for children, equality and social equality is advocating couples have a date night as a means of lowering the 40 :/: divorce rate in Norway.

 

Fabulous marital advice !

Today I spoke with Stuart Bocking on radio 2ue today on this saving marriages. I wholeheartedly agree as a marriage friendly health professional and the clinical research of psychologist  John Gottman provide the hard data evidence. 

Grow together and avoid being a statistic. It's never too late. 

Indeed I often prescribe a couple date where you and your partner can rediscover the romance in your life. Kid free, no hassle fun and your imagination is all that is required. 

Challenge : recommit to your relationship today. Organise a night out or in and inspire each other with talk of your hopes and dreams together. 

Albert Einstein said of life's difficulties there is always an opportunity...

This may seem hard to believe when you are stuck in the midst of a difficulty like an affair.

The hurt keeps rebounding, you have a good moment only to be reminded when a trigger comes up - your waiter/ess has the same name as the third party, or your mind starts to ask more questions and you feel stuck. . 

Take heart healing in your relationship will occur with time. 

With the healing comes Einstein's opportunity. Here you can rediscover or even uncover new truths about yourself and your relationship. Uncomfortable they may be when we reveal formerly ignored parts and expose our most vulnerable sides. 

This takes great courage and safety in a relationship. To dare to show our flaws and really be seen by our intimate partner and for them to love you all the more as they 'get' the 'real' you. 

What difficulty can you use today as an opportunity for emotional connection in your closest relationships?

Whoops! Re Valentines day post

A friend told me today she visited Clint's site and was unable to view the articles.
I will check in to see when this will happen

My apologies !

Happy Valentines day!

Hope you are having an ok day please check out my article on real world practical relationship advice for all year round.
Www.marriageworks.com.au

Great news on another note Clint Salter has asked me to be a contributor to his new venture and inspiration. Make the world move.

Please visit and read my articles by clicking on my picture.
Www.maketheworldmoce.com

Enjoy your day whatever your couple status !
Regards Philipa

A Tribute to my first Relationships Australia supervisor Carolyn Richards.

Today I attended Carolyn's funeral in Sydney. She had struggled with a rare and awful cancer for nearly 2 years.

Her husband John read out a love letter that brought most of us to tears and he was choking with emotion. He had written it on their 30th wedding anniversary. here he shared his love for her, truly heartwarming. Each family member gave a eulogy that really honoured her, her life and works.

She will be missed by many and most dearly her family.


I feel truly blessed to have had the opportunity to have been supervised by Carolyn as a counsellor. She was a gifted psychologist, teacher and mentor to me. Her wisdom, compassion and love shone about her and touched all she met. Fiercely loyal she was feisty and would protect her "chickens" as she endearingly called her work friends.

Her voice stays with me - her counsel with clients, her stories of her life and her wonderful talents as a couple therapist.

So dear Carolyn,

Thank you for being you and may I be half the therapist you were!

It was an honour to have known you Carolyn and a privilege to have worked with you.

I do hope I continue with the love and grace in my counselling practice that you showed to so many of us.

Blessings to your family at this tough time,

With love Philipa & Kylie H ( my supervisor who carries your legacy as a skilled and kind psychologist).

Www.marriageworks.com.au

Want to avoid Monster In-Laws? Read on... for the secret.

Yep that isn't a typo. Monster In-Law's and having to deal with them are going to be a hot topic no doubt this December, as our Christmas countdown begins.

I wish I had coined the term Monster In-law but I heard it while watching America's Dr Phil television show :

Dr Phil's Most Outrageous Monster In-Law Returns.

While this show demonstrates one woman's blatant disregard for her own daughter's life choices and is an extreme version of how things can get out of hand. It also offers us a time to reflect on our relationships with our nearest and dearest.

Sure you married your partner and not their family, I get that. Trouble is that your loved one is usually part of a package deal that includes some family element.

Ideally you want to have a view of your in-laws similar comedian ( and he is not joking here)  Ben Elton described in an interview with Dino Scatena in this weekends Sunday Life magazine. Ben describes "Kate, the most wonderful mother-in-law imaginable, and Bob - my parents in-law...we even moved to Perth...allowing our children to have them in their lives." (Abridged). He goes on to say how lucky he is with his wonderful wife Sophie, "I married into this amazing family, too. It's been a blessing in my life, and one that's spread to my own family."

Now that's the attitude Ben. I'll bet they are going to sit around a table filled with love and food this Christmas day, making happy memories the best presents for all. And get this ladies - Ben will be doing all the cooking - full roast turkey, while his wife does the washing.

This is the stuff of solid foundations that keep a partnership strong. Indeed M Gary Neuman in his terrific book Emotional Infidelity - how to affair proof your marriage and 10 other great secrets to a great relationship. says  "Secret No.11 to a great marriage is : Focus energy on creating a healthy relationship with your spouse's parents".

Yep that's right you will have to do some work - bring back politeness and respect, treat your in-laws with the love and dignity you offer to yourself and your partner. 

After all your wife or husband is a result of that union, so they have created some good things in your life too! Find something to like and build on that, connect with your mother in-law or father in-law as a fellow person and offer them your integrity and friendship. Let go of past hurts and defensiveness in order to build a the relationship you want your children to see as up and coming adults.

Work at it and your will find yourself being rewarded is so many ways.

Best Wishes Philipa

Affair Help needed?