3 minutes of Positivity Daily Practice

Gordon Emmerson - Resource therapy for coaching

ABC on social media addiction

Psychologists scramble to keep up with growing social media addiction http://www.abc.net.au/news/2016-04-03/psychologists-scramble-to-keep-up-with-social-media-addiction/7293862 via @@abcnews

Milan Emdr conference

I'm blessed to be in Milan at the 16th annual Europe EMDR conference. Wonderful speakers including Carole Forgash EMDR & Ego State Therapy expert. 

More to come ! 

For therapists free resource for 2 days!

Last day ! Hurry- Awesome freebie - Professor Gordon Emmerson’s latest student manual. Download for free as a pdf for a limited time. http://ow.ly/i/b3LcQ https://lnkd.in/bE5qGVR
Resource Therapy - Clinical Qualification Training Student Manual. Thank you Gordon- very generous.

Www.resourcetherapy.net.au for more info. 

Samsn needs psychologists to help !

Survivors & Mates Support Network (SAMSN) is a not for profit organization that provides support services and advocacy for adult male victims of CSA  and their families. www.samsn.org.au
 
SAMSN provides a number of support services.  These include: 

• eight week support groups for male survivors which are facilitated by trained professionals.
• training workshops for professionals around working with male survivors
• 1/2 day information/support workshops for male survivors and their partners, families and other support people.

 
SAMSN is receiving a high volume of calls from all over NSW from men seeking specialized counselling from NSW VS approved therapists.
 
SAMSN is developing a referral list of appropriate counsellors to whom male survivors could be referred.  As a result SAMSN is seeking both male and female therapists who have a solid understanding of complex trauma, an in depth understanding of the issues commonly faced by male survivors of CSA, and those with experience working with men. 
 SAMSN is moving office to the Parramatta region in the next 3 months and will potentially be offering individual counselling from their premises. 
 
If you would like to discuss receiving referrals from SAMSN or are interested in offering counselling at SAMSN's new premises, can you make contact with Shane McNamara at shane@samsn.org.au. 
 
Tnx

March Australian Women's Weekly features Philipa Thornton of www.marriageworks.com.au

I often get calls from journalists and the media, usually wanting an immediate response to a topical current affair. 

Last October I met with Michael Sheather   Associate Editor of The Australian Women's Weekly. He was exploring the impact of infidelity and had surprisingly  frank interviews with people involved in ongoing affairs. He wanted my opinion and insights as an experienced psychological expert in the relationship field.  

At Www.Marriageworks.Com.Au we specialise in helping folk ready to heal from affairs. 

So if you want to know more on looking for the signs of cheating, you'll find it on p.76 of the March edition of The Australian Women's Weekly.        

You can't miss it - it's the one with the wonderful Dame Judy Dench on the cover ! 

What is Resource Therapy and How is it different to CBT

Why your accountant needs to know about your therapy.

Sounds strange but it's true and the time is running out for this opportunity. 

What I'm talking about is the Australian Taxation Office Net Medical tax offset (NMETO). 

This is where you can claim your medical costs of seeing a counsellor when you reach a certain threshold. 

I've just written about it in my news section on www.marriageworks.com.au 

Check it out because this might be your last chance as it's being phased out. 

Obviously run it past your accountant or tax person you trust. 

Best wishes Philipa 

Betrayal in a marriage produces PTSD like symptoms

In my office I have seen the shock betrayal and harm done in relationships and marriages impacted by infidelity. 

It can lead to obsessive thoughts, flashbacks, sleeplessness, anxiety and depression for both parties.  

That's why I use the latest and greatest  trauma therapies I have encountered and been trained in. Namely Ego state Therapy, EMDR, radical exposure therapy and emotional freedom technique. 

Read an article on affairs and trauma. 

http://www.australiacounselling.com.au/mental-health-articles/featured-counsellors/philipa-thornton/

Norway Minister leads the way !

The Norwegian Minister for children, equality and social equality is advocating couples have a date night as a means of lowering the 40 :/: divorce rate in Norway.

 

Fabulous marital advice !

Today I spoke with Stuart Bocking on radio 2ue today on this saving marriages. I wholeheartedly agree as a marriage friendly health professional and the clinical research of psychologist  John Gottman provide the hard data evidence. 

Grow together and avoid being a statistic. It's never too late. 

Indeed I often prescribe a couple date where you and your partner can rediscover the romance in your life. Kid free, no hassle fun and your imagination is all that is required. 

Challenge : recommit to your relationship today. Organise a night out or in and inspire each other with talk of your hopes and dreams together. 

Albert Einstein said of life's difficulties there is always an opportunity...

This may seem hard to believe when you are stuck in the midst of a difficulty like an affair.

The hurt keeps rebounding, you have a good moment only to be reminded when a trigger comes up - your waiter/ess has the same name as the third party, or your mind starts to ask more questions and you feel stuck. . 

Take heart healing in your relationship will occur with time. 

With the healing comes Einstein's opportunity. Here you can rediscover or even uncover new truths about yourself and your relationship. Uncomfortable they may be when we reveal formerly ignored parts and expose our most vulnerable sides. 

This takes great courage and safety in a relationship. To dare to show our flaws and really be seen by our intimate partner and for them to love you all the more as they 'get' the 'real' you. 

What difficulty can you use today as an opportunity for emotional connection in your closest relationships?

Whoops! Re Valentines day post

A friend told me today she visited Clint's site and was unable to view the articles.
I will check in to see when this will happen

My apologies !

Happy Valentines day!

Hope you are having an ok day please check out my article on real world practical relationship advice for all year round.
Www.marriageworks.com.au

Great news on another note Clint Salter has asked me to be a contributor to his new venture and inspiration. Make the world move.

Please visit and read my articles by clicking on my picture.
Www.maketheworldmoce.com

Enjoy your day whatever your couple status !
Regards Philipa

A Tribute to my first Relationships Australia supervisor Carolyn Richards.

Today I attended Carolyn's funeral in Sydney. She had struggled with a rare and awful cancer for nearly 2 years.

Her husband John read out a love letter that brought most of us to tears and he was choking with emotion. He had written it on their 30th wedding anniversary. here he shared his love for her, truly heartwarming. Each family member gave a eulogy that really honoured her, her life and works.

She will be missed by many and most dearly her family.


I feel truly blessed to have had the opportunity to have been supervised by Carolyn as a counsellor. She was a gifted psychologist, teacher and mentor to me. Her wisdom, compassion and love shone about her and touched all she met. Fiercely loyal she was feisty and would protect her "chickens" as she endearingly called her work friends.

Her voice stays with me - her counsel with clients, her stories of her life and her wonderful talents as a couple therapist.

So dear Carolyn,

Thank you for being you and may I be half the therapist you were!

It was an honour to have known you Carolyn and a privilege to have worked with you.

I do hope I continue with the love and grace in my counselling practice that you showed to so many of us.

Blessings to your family at this tough time,

With love Philipa & Kylie H ( my supervisor who carries your legacy as a skilled and kind psychologist).

Www.marriageworks.com.au

Want to avoid Monster In-Laws? Read on... for the secret.

Yep that isn't a typo. Monster In-Law's and having to deal with them are going to be a hot topic no doubt this December, as our Christmas countdown begins.

I wish I had coined the term Monster In-law but I heard it while watching America's Dr Phil television show :

Dr Phil's Most Outrageous Monster In-Law Returns.

While this show demonstrates one woman's blatant disregard for her own daughter's life choices and is an extreme version of how things can get out of hand. It also offers us a time to reflect on our relationships with our nearest and dearest.

Sure you married your partner and not their family, I get that. Trouble is that your loved one is usually part of a package deal that includes some family element.

Ideally you want to have a view of your in-laws similar comedian ( and he is not joking here)  Ben Elton described in an interview with Dino Scatena in this weekends Sunday Life magazine. Ben describes "Kate, the most wonderful mother-in-law imaginable, and Bob - my parents in-law...we even moved to Perth...allowing our children to have them in their lives." (Abridged). He goes on to say how lucky he is with his wonderful wife Sophie, "I married into this amazing family, too. It's been a blessing in my life, and one that's spread to my own family."

Now that's the attitude Ben. I'll bet they are going to sit around a table filled with love and food this Christmas day, making happy memories the best presents for all. And get this ladies - Ben will be doing all the cooking - full roast turkey, while his wife does the washing.

This is the stuff of solid foundations that keep a partnership strong. Indeed M Gary Neuman in his terrific book Emotional Infidelity - how to affair proof your marriage and 10 other great secrets to a great relationship. says  "Secret No.11 to a great marriage is : Focus energy on creating a healthy relationship with your spouse's parents".

Yep that's right you will have to do some work - bring back politeness and respect, treat your in-laws with the love and dignity you offer to yourself and your partner. 

After all your wife or husband is a result of that union, so they have created some good things in your life too! Find something to like and build on that, connect with your mother in-law or father in-law as a fellow person and offer them your integrity and friendship. Let go of past hurts and defensiveness in order to build a the relationship you want your children to see as up and coming adults.

Work at it and your will find yourself being rewarded is so many ways.

Best Wishes Philipa

Affair Help needed?

White Ribbon Day -Stop Violence Against Women!

I am a bit behind the times - White Ribbon Day - Australia's campaign to Stop Violence against Women was November 26th.

It is still a topic worth talking about the whole year round. If you want more information and to support the campaign here is the link : White Ribbon Campaign.

To show your support and commitment you can swear an oath of non-violence to women. Please check out the page 'Hey mate show the world where you stand' to see and join via twitter men like Rove MacManus, Keith Urban, Will Anderson, Malcolm Turnbull, Kochie and Dicko.

Dr Michael Flood from La Trobe University's Health Sciences faculty writes that as many as 50% of Australian women will experience physical or sexual violence by a man at some stage in their lives according to national surveys.

Definition

Domestic Violence occurs when a family member uses violent and/or abusive behaviour to control another family member or members.

Domestic Violence can include physical, verbal, emotional, economic or sexual abuse. For example: hitting, kicking, punching, choking, damaging property, yelling, insults, threats, bullying, withholding and controlling finances, unwanted sexual acts, forced sex.

Women and children are the majority of those who are subjected to abusive and violent behaviours in the home from their male partners, or fathers and stepfathers. Domestic violence cuts across all sections of the community. It doesn't matter what your ethnic or religious background is, whether you are Indigenous, or if you have a high income or are on benefits. It doesn't matter if you have a disability or are young or old, and it doesn't matter if you're gay or straight.

For people who use violence, a useful definition of violence is any action which is experienced by your partner as intimidating or causing fear and therefore having the effect of your partner limiting what they say or do.

The above definition comes for the Domestic Violence Crisis Service of ACT.

So I encourage you - women speak out, name it in order to change it.
And men take action, swear the oath of nonviolence and commit to non-control and respectful practices.

Philipa at Marriage Works your Sydney Eastern Suburbs Relationship Psychologist

TV adventure man Bear Gryll's Marriage Advice

Maybe you've seen Bear Gryll's the wild man of television fame who does some amazing ( crazy? well for us ordinary folks) and death defying trips in exotic locations.

Reading today's column in Sunday Life with interviewer Paul Connolly -What I know about...Women, Bear provides some insight into his marriage to wife Shara and what works well in the research interestingly ( Just look up John Gottman's studies... happy wife, equals happy life).

I think they are worth sharing. In his relationship he talks of the respect for Shara and how she has taught him to listen. He found this hard, as a man wanting to jump in, fix things and correct the problem. ( read everything!)

Paul found another teaching Bear has taken on board is 'that nobody cares how much you know, until they know how much you care, and she's not interested in living with a "hero". she just wants to know I'm there for her and our sons..She trusts me that the risks I take are managed, that my priority is not conquering some challenge but getting home in one piece.'

Bear's insights are good marriage advice. No point in being right - it's lonely at the top and showing care and empathy is at the heart of healthy relationships.

He sounds like he is living in a 21st century marriage, which offers deeper emotional connection and greater intimacy. He shares his vulnerability with us ' I think I've learnt I'm more fragile than I sometimes imagine, that I'm not as tough and invincible as I'd hoped.' Women really love this side of a man. Here he is a wild man out on his adventures and yet a calm, soothing influence in his relationship.

While he lives life boldly, he makes the commitment to prioritising his family, a great role model for fathers, husbands and sons out there.

So guys challenge yourself today, try listening instead of correcting or problem solving, show you care with empathy and make your relationship the priority in your life. You and your family will reap the rewards.

Not sure how to do this well it can be learnt, get some relationship coaching to fast track a better relationship today.

Cheers Philipa

After the affair - Recovery from infidelity.

You will notice me writing a lot on infidelity. As we have seen in the media with the David Petraeus affair relationship breaches happen to many people - so if it's In your world, know it's a very big boat your in!

I want to share with you a some moments from a session this week with a couple dealing with the aftermath of a relationship crisis so you can see inside the therapy room and know healing from pain is possible.

David and Alison ( aliases of course) are in the early stages of recovery. Alison had had an affair discovered by David several months ago leading them to seek relationship counselling.

I had Alison in the room with me and Dan was joining us from New York via Skype. (isn't it fabulous to be able to work  people worldwide !)

Alison and David both acknowledge the hurt, pain, sexual jealousy this beach of trust has had on their relationship.  I gave my choosing to trust again speech, which helps explain the trust barriers in a useful way.

What was really incredible in the session was to hear David talk about how close and intimate their marriage had become. He spoke of letting his guard down and telling Alison of his fears and self doubt - she was a beautiful woman and his self esteem was out of synch with reality, having him he believe he didn't deserve this lovely young woman and it would all be in the trash one day. This lead to him being self protective, as we all are! But it felt like withholding to Alison.

Alison responded to David's defenceless by telling him how much she loved him and how much closer she felt to this unguarded David.

Alison said she felt heard by David as he listened to her worries and doubts without attempting any fixes. She also said how committed she was to working through this and apologised for the pain She has caused stepping outside of the relationship.

Both Alison and David  were worried this depth of emotional intimacy would go once they were back in the same country. I asked them if they would be able to say this to each other if they were sitting in the same room? Yes they responded, allaying their fears.  This couple have made great progress in their marital therapy and their relationship is different to the old one pre-affair.

There has been at a price but this comes with rewards, as they encounter a new depth and intimacy effectively strengthening their bond and offering shelter for their relationship in tougher times.

I encouraged them to continue talking in this open vulnerable way in order to progress in strengthening their marriage. And while they may experience hiccups along the way, this form of communication will be the solid foundation to which they can restore harmony as difficulties crop up from time to time.

Well done Alison and David. If this excerpt resonates for you please check out my marriage counselling website -Marriage Counselling with Medicare Registered Psychologist and Couple Counsellor

Best Wishes Philipa

Annabel has it right on infidelity and public figures.

Reading Sunday's Sun Herald columnist Annabel Crabb, I had to agree with her observations in regard to David Petraeus and the sexual affair with his biographer. 

Rather than fudge it or minimise the infidelity like  president Bill Clinton ( Monica Lewinsky, Jennifer Flowers and numerous others, where he may or may not have had intercourse. Come on, please!).
He stood up, and said the affair was already over,  acknowledging not only had he failed his own and the army's moral standards hurting his wife and family, he then he took responsibility and resigned.

Well Done. There were no excuses, no justifications, self pity, whining, minimisation's or any other kind of ducking and weaving. I believe he has expressed remorse and apologised to his family, and his country. While he may have had a lapse in his behavioural ethics ( and who hasn't made a mistake in their live?) He has stepped up.

This is what is vital in recovery from an affair - acknowledgement, openness, honesty, reassessment,  taking responsilility and remedy seeking - I'll bet this couple are seeking relationship counselling tout suite. They have a good chance at making it through this relationship crisis.

Sure he has succumbed to an indulgence, but he acted with a certain kind of dignity missing in many of our leaders and  Annabel notes this makes Petraeus a loss to public life.

Very different to NSW Independent Commission Against Corruption (ICAC)  news of the Eddie Obied affair and the loss of millions of dollars to the NSW People and faith in our public system.

Sad, very sad. Check out Marriage Works for more information on relationship counselling and marital therapy.

Best Wishes Philipa